It's true.
I've had enough.
This has something to do with my envy of Kate and her pregnant self (track with me here a second). Not because I wish to be pregnant. Not at the moment, anyway. I envy her because IF people are bold enough to ask her if she is pregnant (which is always a no-no, by the way - ARE YOU LISTENING?), she can happily answer "Yes, isn't life a miracle?" and not have to say, "No, I'm not, but apparently I look like I am." Creates awkwardness and all kinds of insecurity. Satan. It's Satan. When you have the urge to ask a woman if she is pregnant, be aware that you will be acting on behalf of Lucifer himself.
It's true.
I guess this means that I will also continue my boycott of Satan.
SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!! I do not look it! I certainly do not look anywhere near close enough to warrant being asked this TWO TIMES in the last six months.
Here's how today's conversation went:
Innocent Laura: I need to go to Babies R Us to get a shower gift.
Unwitting Agent of Satan: Are you expecting?
IL: [Thinks: That's odd.] Oh, no!
UAoS: Oh, well I asked because you have a little bit of a tummy.
WHAT??? WHAT???
She shoulda left it alone. I would have just assumed that she didn't hear the part about needing to buy a shower gift. BUT NOOOOO...and unlike the last culprit, I can't excuse her based on her being from another continent and thus perhaps ignorant of such cultural taboos. Whatever.
Point is, I'm not pregnant. But Erin is, and I will be going to her shower this evening.
Then I'll be spending a lot of time at the Y and eating iceberg lettuce and water popsicles a la DJ Tanner.
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5 comments:
nonononononononononono!
Why did she have to say the last past? Does she do that to 80 people a day? She shall be smoted.
Please continue your boycott of Satan. I suggest boycotting BabiesRUs (and malls in general- actually, anywhere the general public lurks)...but I suggest a temporary ban on such places. You have to eat after all. But they don't need our brilliance all the time. Save it.
I hear you, Laura! I, unlike you, am a bit chubby in the tummy and have even heard the rumor that I'm pregnant! Sheesh!
Boycott Society!
Boycott Satan!
Hmpf.
Errin is not pregnant either! However, on Tuesday morning she was sick. Everyone I told that she was sick immediately asked if she is pregnant.
No!
So, to be clear...ERin is pregnant, ERRin is not. The one R makes all the difference!
And Diane, I personally inspected your tummy today and found nothing to warrant such rumors. Preposterous. Let's hang out again sometime soon, for we are birds of a feather.
I should love to hang out again. I'm all over that and thank you for your kind word about my tummy! :)
I'm so glad that you and Josh came today. Your presence meant a lot to Carrie and I.
diane[at]nienhuis[dot]org.
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